WHITE WATER

Been back for a while. The past few weeks I was more afraid to write. All those nice and cool comments on my previous blog made me set the bar too high for myself. Every time I ventured into a new blog, I put my laptop aside after five minutes of struggling and fighting with words and sentences. Nothing was right and I didn't feel like it. No point in plodding along. Why would I put in so much effort when it's just supposed to be fun? Vacation, you know? Enjoy and such? After a few tries, my enthusiasm had completely ebbed.

I stand with Debie right on Amado Beach, looking down at the powerful waves of the Atlantic Ocean that I've just splashed in for hours. It was a difficult surf session: the waves pounded my body relentlessly and dragged me back five meters after I had just struggled to paddle just two meters forward. I had to get deep into the water to catch a good wave that I could surf for a long time. With full courage I step back into the deep sea, determined. I see a wall of water coming towards me and get the wind in front. A huge wave drags me along, I spin around my axis three times and gasp when I came back up. Enough. I stumble to the beach and catch my breath, I observed the other beginners and see them making the same mistake as me. One by one they fly backwards. I smile. I laugh at myself. There is no point in fighting with the sea. I try again and go into the water, I don't venture further than the first meters into the sea, the waves are less high and less powerful. I throw myself and my board in good spirits on the first pieces of 'white water' and am pushed forward by some galloping white clouds, I stand up and fly!

I sit in Debie and watch the waves, they rise and fall tirelessly, over and over. I realize: just like surfing, writing goes up and down, with ups and downs, ups and downs. I take my laptop and try again. Uninhibitedly, I let my words flow into the 'white water'.

LEARN TO LIVE

Traveling can be a real eye-opener. Not only does writing and surfing have a learning curve, the travel itself did not come naturally in the beginning. I notice that I only slowly learn to relax myself and especially learn what exactly relaxes me. The beautiful places in the mountains with a sea view can help a lot, but you have to encourage yourself to pick up a guitar or a book instead of your mobile phone. Often you have to be able to let go of bad habits, but when do you realize when this is a bad habit? I noticed it when my friend Louise traveled with us for a few days. For four days, the three of us ate, slept, sang and danced around the Spanish mountains. During one of our rides to the next spot I heard Dennis and Louise laughing. I looked up and looked at them, I didn't even know what they were talking about. Self-conscious and with a bit of shame, I looked at my hands. My cell phone in hand. Ready to post another Instagram story. It was only on this trip that I realized how addicted I am to the feeling of having my mobile close at hand and how aimlessly I scrolled down the feed throughout the day (what a ridiculous word that is even: feed). Since that day I decided not to put my mobile phone first. †

When I first visited the Benagil caves in Portugal, I was obliged to leave my mobile phone in the bus. After paddling in and out of the caves with our surfboards and resting on the beautiful private beaches, I was showered with an unprecedented feeling of peace and relaxation. Something I haven't known for a long time. Wow, pure relaxation. Dennis and I chat undisturbed for hours about anything and everything. Back in the bus I see my mobile phone lurking at me, I decide to banish it to the back of the bus during our ride to the west coast of Portugal and enjoy the beautiful landscapes (and a little less the sharp turns through the mountains) . During activities, walks I no longer take my mobile phone with me, even during rides in front of the car I deliberately leave my little friend in the drawer at the back of the bus. The first days my hands were itching terribly but now… I feel a huge sense of liberation, the feeling that I have finally learned to live.

LAISSER FAIRE, LAISSER PASSER

My 'Belgian' perfectionism has been traveling with me for some time and I can leave it little by little the further I go. Doing everything by the book, not parking in places where it is not allowed, is making way for rest in places where 'it-appears' there are several police checks. I've already scrapped my habit of perfectly balancing the spirit level on our dining table. For example, after two weeks I noticed that I slept better if I had not looked at the spirit level and therefore did not even know whether we were skewed or not.

Traveling is for a large part being able to 'let go', but let that be one of the things I'm not very good at. Driving around until we found a hidden gem to spend the night and scouring the many reviews to find the best and tastiest local restaurant is often part of my daily activity. Still, I find that during the most uncontrolled moments when we threw the surfboards in the middle aisle, we jumped into the bus in our wetsuits and followed the sun on the way to another surf spot, I got the best holiday feeling out of it.

BABYSTEPS

After a first two weeks of hard work on the Portuguese coast, Dennis and I join our Belgian friends Otke & Matthias. As a small family (with baby Izar and dog Itta) they cruise around in their white and blue kno from surf spot to surf spot. We stick to the back of their bumper for a week, sweat together on the waves of the Atlantic, camp on a pig farm, play and laugh with little Izar, cook, eat and live together for a while. What a wonderful feeling. Just follow, don't have to think and above all don't have to choose between the thousands of possibilities that the world offers us. I thoroughly enjoy and admire 'Izar the great explorer' who finds so much fun and activity in all the little things: cupboards, jars, mobile phone holders and ribbons. What I would do to be able to return for a moment to that stage of amazement!

I am in Debie in Sao Torpes with a view of the sea and I am finally writing my final piece of this blog, a few kilometers further from where I let my first chapter flow into the white water. Damn. Still, it took so long to write a blog. What started as a fluent movement of words eventually turned into a struggle. 'No, it's not finished yet, it still needs a day more time'.

Writing, surfing and traveling do not always go smoothly, but perfection does not exist. The 'letting go' and being satisfied with the small remains a learning process and I am clearly not yet accomplished. But step by step, just like Izar, I will get there.